dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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