Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
