I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
