I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
