She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
