how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
