Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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