I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
