Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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