john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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