haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
