The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
