I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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