My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I believe in your delicious
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
