He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
