There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
