I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
