he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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