....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
