Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
