I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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