I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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