Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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