i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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