How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
