you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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