It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I FOUND THE LEGS
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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