I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
