All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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