a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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