And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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