So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
