I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
