Please, let me fuck your mom
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
