God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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