wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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