My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
