the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
