I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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