You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
