did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
