OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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