For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
