I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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