I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you have to choose: penises or morals?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
