Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
