Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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