i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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