I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
