actually, I'm a sock model
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
