I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
