i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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