Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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