i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
