Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
