the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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