do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
