6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
