i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
