end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
