I could make wine with my vomit
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
