Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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