Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
