Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
