i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
