So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
