I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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